What makes someone beautiful?

Over the past 7 weeks, I have heard how beautiful and gorgeous and pretty I am. I have heard this more now than I ever have. At first I thought it was people trying to be nice. Like this guy that I was madly in love with did the unthinkable to me. I thought that people were saying that to make it all better, to help me forget my pain. What people didn't know is what I thought and what I was going through. I have always had an issue with weight, and looks. I have always had an issue with how my nose is a little big, and my tooth on the right is a little crooked, how my boobs looked so big when I wore the super cute shirts my flat friends wore. Made me feel fat. For anyone that knows me, or has seen pictures of me, I am farrrrrr from fat. I am barely (probably not even) 5'1", I currently weigh 107 pounds (yay for gaining some weight back when I came home, I needed it), I still wear a 00 but they're tight now.

Right after Chris broke me (best way to describe it). Anyways right after Chris and I split up I hit an all time low. I wondered why this would happen to someone who was so beautiful and gorgeous. Like seriously, if I were all of these things that people say then why would Chris cheat on me with a girl, who I am sorry, is not that pretty. I don't consider myself gorgeous or anything by any means. But I can see a picture of the girl and honestly be able to tell myself I am prettier than her. I know that may sound conceited but I'm not the only one who thinks so. Moral of this rant is I went to a really dark place. Decided that I was not pretty or skinny enough. Stopped eating, when I did eat I got sick. It was bad.

I have had one other episode with not eating. It was the same thing. It was right before Chris and he helped pull me out of it. He helped me gain self-confidence again, and got me fat. But he was fat then too so it was okay. This time was different. The first time it was just me hearing things from other people, the tv, classic teenage girl. This time a boy broke me down. He built me up, just to tear me down and put me back in where I was.

I realized, after a long few weeks, that it was not me. I didn't do this. I did nothing wrong. I supported Chris in everything. I took the fights and blows at me when he was stressed. I took the exhausted asshole side of him. I was up the long nights waiting to hear from him. I stood by his side during boot camp, SOI, and MOS school. I was there when he wanted to go to Afghanistan the first time he heard one of his friends died. I supported him, and even though it killed me to say it I told him it was okay for him to deploy and that I would be here waiting for him to come home to me. I was there when he wanted to take the job that would take him to different countries to stand guard, or when he wanted to take the job that meant he could not get married or have babies for 2 years. I was there when he finally decided to go to kings bay, well got sent to kings bay. I picked him up from the airport, went out of my way to get him, gave up holidays with my family to be with him. I waited days, weeks, months to hear his voice. I drove 5 hours to Kings Bay, 4 days before I was supposed to move to school and hadn't packed a thing. I drove 7 hours almost once a month to miss a day of classes and spend the weekend with him. I cried more tears than I ever thought a person could produce. I really loved him. I would have done anything from him. I risked and gave up a lot just to be with him. I did all that I could do for our relationship. I know that I wasn't perfect but I gave my all and fought like hell to make us work.

Looking back I cannot believe that I let a boy do this to me. Never again will I let a boy do this to me. No boy will ever build me up just to push me down. I based my life around some boy. Never again. This is all about me.

I may not know what exactly makes someone beautiful or gorgeous. I still don't think that I am beautiful or gorgeous. But I know that I am perfect. I am perfectly unperfect.

Changes.

My last post was November 9, 2010. It is now January 4, 2011. Things have definitely changed in 2 months. I haven't been able to post here yet. I just haven't known what to say. I have started a new post multiple times. Wrote a few words, and deleted them all. I don't know where to start or how to say any of this. So be prepared this is 2 months worth of blogs and my heart will be spilled into this blog.

November 20, 2011, I got a call from Christopher. Normal right? Not this phone call. He was acting perfectly normal in the beginning. Then a switch went off. He got dead silent on the phone. Said he needed to get something out but needed to get the courage to spit it out. We sat on the phone for 5 minutes not saying a word. When I said I was going to hang up if he didn't say anything he spilled. Said he couldn't do this anymore. Wouldn't explain anything until I pushed and pushed. After finally pushing far enough he told me about this new girl. Crushed me. Said he had met her the day I came down for my last trip. Started hanging out with her a week before we broke up.

My heart was crushed. I had lost 2 years of my life and my whole future to a girl he had just met. The man I thought I was going to marry, have children with, and grow old with left me for a 20 year old girl in the Navy. A girl he barely knew.

While we were on the phone, I did not shed a single tear. I did not yell, or raise my voice. I just wanted answers. I went numb and shook. I didn't sleep that night. I cried. All night. Thought about what I did wrong. How I messed up.

The next morning, I woke up and put a smile on, got dressed, and went to church. Couldn't make it 10 minutes through the service before I had to walk out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't listen to them preach about the Man I prayed to for months and months. A man I had faith in to keep me from hurt. I lost faith in something I had believed in more than Chris. I was at my grandparents house that weekend and we had the boys (my cousins). I had even more of a reason to put on a happy face and not cry. They would wipe my tear when one slipped. They kept me from curling in a ball and shutting the world out.

Monday, my mom and brother came to Greenville to see me,

Take me to dinner (couldn't happen) and buy me a sweater since my dad couldn't be there. I didn't cry in front of my mom. I cried over the phone with her. But never in front of her. She thought I was okay and left the next morning. I called her a few hours later balling my eyes out. 2 more days of fake smiles and everything was okay, I flew to New Orleans for Thanksgiving. I cried 3 times in the Raleigh airport and twice in the Atlanta airport. I faked more smiles, and forced smiles, until it was time for bed. Then let it out. Everything I had felt that day came out that night.

Thanksgiving Day I spoke to Chris. Ignored his texts and Facebook instant messages for a few hours. But gave in and responded. He told me he knew he made a mistake. Gave me hope. But told me that he didn't know if he could fix this and asked me to promise him that I would never

take him back so that he would have to live with this mistake for the rest of his life. How do you ask that of the girl you broke 5 days before and expect her to honestly tell you she will keep that promise? Not this girl. I couldn't do that. I could keep my promise of always being there for Gianna. But I could not promise him that one day whether it was tomorrow or 20 years from now that I will never take him back. He broke my bearing that day. I had to excuse myself from Thanksgiving dinner to take a moment to myself and let myself lose it.

I had finals the week I got back from New Orleans. He had promised me a stress-free month so I would do great on finals. That promise was yet another promise broken. I have never been through so much stress in my life. I don't know if it was the finals were that bad or if it was him.

I continued to talk to him periodically. Told me he would always be my best friend and I would never lose that. Told me that he would always love me. Just not the same way. Little did he know I was having other issues that no one knew of. I had really low self-confidence while we were together. He always told me how beautiful I was and how skinny and perfect I was. Told me I didn't need to change a thing. Then he cheated on me. What little self-confidence I did have went right out the window. If I was so pretty and perfect, why did he do this?

This next part I really am not proud of at all.

I went from the day we broke up until a few days before Christmas of barely eating. If I did eat it was one small meal. That was on a good day. Most days I would eat a few bites and puke it up. It got really bad. I lost a lot of weight. I am however happy to say that since I have been home I have been eating at least 2 meals a day and keeping it all down. That is huge progress.

After finals, I packed everything up and went to Jacksonville, Florida. For anyone who knows where Chris is stationed, knows that is super close. I got a lot of shit for wanting to go there. Everyone thought I wanted to go just to see him. Truth is I didn't want to see him. I wanted to get a tattoo and wanted him to go with me but honestly was fine not getting it. I had a lot

of fun in Florida. I saw my real dad and stepmom. Got my second holes done on Chris and

my 2nd anniversary. Went on the beach. Ate Seared Ahi Tuna like it was going out of style. I swear I had it every way possible to make it!

When I got home, it was late Monday, December 20th. Exactly 1 month down. I went from crying myself to sleep every night to not crying at all. Shedding a few tears here and there but nothing big. Went from wanting to talk about him and wanting to talk about what he was doing and hear rumors. To just not giving a damn anymore. I hit this wall of not caring and not wanting anything that I thought that I had wanted.

I was told by so many people that I was handling this really well and how proud they were and how they would have done all these things. People asked how I was handling it so calmly. Here's the answer: I have no clue. I have no clue how I was so calm. I have no clue why I didn't want to rip him apart. Or why I didn't want to scream my lungs out. I still don't know why I haven't said much to him about the break up and what he did.

I am 18 years old. Chris and I were getting married September 17, 2011. We had found a really nice apartment to live in in Kings Bay. I was planning on dropping everything for him. I was planning on rearranging school so that I could be with him. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. My high school sweetheart turned Marine. I can't believe how naive I was. But that is love.

I do not regret a single minute I spent with Chris. I don't regret him doing what he did. I don't regret trusting him. I don't regret loving him.

I may not understand everything right now, but I do know that everything happens for a reason. I know that he led me to bigger and better things. I know that if it weren't for him I would not be the person I am. I wouldn't be the "strong woman" I am as people tell me. I still and always will love Christopher. There will always be a part of my heart that he will hold. But he will no longer ever have the hold on me that he did, he'll never again be able to knock me down like he did, never be able to break me again, and will never have my full heart again.

Chris was my first love. He was the first guy I slept with. Pretty much the first for most things. He will always be a huge part of my past. I will always remember what he did. He broke me. But I will say this, he stopped me from making a HUGE mistake. I do not know what I would have done if there would had been a marriage or more importantly children involved. That would have killed me.

I have some of the most amazing friends. People stayed up with me until very very early in the morning to talk to me until I fell asleep. People were always there for me. Told me it would all be okay. I want to thank every person who helped me through out this whole thing. I don't know what I would have done without you. My family included in this. I love you all and am so thankful for you.

There's a song that I swear I have listened to it a bazillion and 8 times. I get a little stronger by Sara Evans. That song literally was perfect. I would listen to it the entire time getting ready, the entire time I was studying for finals and everything. There is one lyric in particular that me

ans the most to me. "Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger." That is so true for me. Every single day since November 20th I have gotten stronger. I have faced things that I never thought I would face. I never thought that Chris was this man. I was wrong. But in all honesty, I am so much stronger now than I ever have been. I now stand on 2 feet and live my life for me. I no longer wait for a boy. I do everything for me. It is so weird but so much better. Less stressful.

Since November 20th, I have stopped eating, cried myself to sleep every night, broke down, and got lost along the way. I have also started eating again, stopped crying, let myself be happy, and found myself again. I learned that life shouldn't revolve around one person in a relationship that it needs to be shared and equal. Since November 20th, I have found a really great guy. A guy that understands where I am right now and doesn't push. A guy who makes me laugh when I'm about to lose it. A guy who says all the right things, at exactly the right time. A real sweetheart. I found a guy who makes me happy again, who picked me up when I was down. I do not know why a man would want to be with this tangled mess that I am right now, but he has. My world has stopped spinning. Finally. So thank you.

Today is, well its 5:17 am on January 4, 2011

but I have not slept so it is still January 3rd for me! Today I cut about 6 " off of my beautiful hair. I got a new color as well. Perfect for starting over.

Most people have the same old resolutions for New Years. Like stop smoking, lose 10 pounds, eat healthier, run everyday. While I still have those resolutions, I have much more important resolutions. I want to be happy everyday this year. I want to live this year for me and worry about me, and anyone who wants to be in my life has to actually try. I want to start over this year. I want to smile every single day. I want to remember the past 2 years and be happy that we had that time together, and that we're no longer together. I want to take this second chance and run with it.

I thought about changing the name of this blog, or starting over entirely. But this is the conclusion I came to. I was with Chris from day 1 of the Marine Corps. This title works perfectly for me. It's Hurry Up & Wait-Her Version: Life after Christopher the Marine. Another resolution: Blog more!

So here is to 2011. A new year. A new start. A new life. And a new Elyssa!

Turn of events.

Well once again, I am back in Greenville. This trip was overall a pretty successful trip! We found a potential apartment that we are literally in LOVE with! It is a little expensive, but so close to base and has everything we were looking for. We get a 5% discount for rent, so it is under $600 but we would still have bills. So literally the only way we would be able to afford it on our own is if we were married. This soo upset me because of the plans we had originally. If we would have stuck with our original plan then this apartment would have been a piece of cake, not saying that I regret our decision. Chris says that he is going to find a way to make it work. The only way I see is if we eloped. And, well that isn’t happening. So it is definitely a downer. I know that he will try whatever it takes but I don’t want to bust our asses to just make the bills. We’ll have this great place but nothing else. I’m sure we’ll figure something out! If not we’ll just stick to our plan and wait until PCS.

Friday I left at like 5 am and got there a little after 11. How I made that time I will never know! But I ended up waiting with Cristina for a good 4 hours for the guys to be released. We went over to the barracks to pick up her husband. He thought Chris was still at the armory. But sure enough we pull up and I see this guy....who looks a lot like Christopher. I recognized him immediately from behind. I said that is Chris! They’re trying to trick me! Chris had NO clue! He thought I was waiting outside the gates. He got this big smile on his face when he realized it was me! It was great! He was soo excited!

This trip was a little different than our other trips. We actually had arguments. We have never had more than 1 little spat that is usually a quick minute or two. This trip on Friday night, I walked out of the hotel and drove away for a little less than an hour. I blew up on his friend, who stole Chris for “5 minutes” aka an hour when we had plans. Completely blew up on him. During my hour away to clear my head I had 4 texts from Chris and 3 texts from his friend. Both apologizing and asking me to come back. While I was very mad that I had been ditched and wanted to just be a bitch and treat them like they had just treated me, I didn’t want to fight all weekend. So in attempts to be a good girlfriend, I got a redbox movie, bought him a tea and drove back to the hotel. When I walked in he wouldn’t even let me all the way in before he apologized and gave me a big hug. I was mad but it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t drive 7 hours, then wait an extra 4 or 5 hours for them to get off to be ditched. But at the same time, I didn’t drive 7 hours and wait 4 or 5 hours to fight. When I got back to the room we talked about why I was mad and then what happened with his friends. After 45 minutes of talking about it we were back to normal but I needed mashed potatoes.

Later that night, Chris got a text saying that there was a possible recall at 0600. This weekend the entire base shut down Friday night for a drill. The FBI was there and all. The only people that could get on had to have a specific badge, and no one could get off base. So I started freaking out. Chris reassured me that it would not happen. Well sure enough the next morning, at 8 am we get a text saying recall 1145 in the quad. The team leader told him that he probably wouldn’t get to get off base. I started crying. It would be a complete waste of day. Alone in kings bay. Yay! But he had no choice. This wasn’t a recall he could get out of. So at 11, I took him and dropped him off at a friend of ours who was taking him to base. I was soooo not happy! But wanted to stick with our plan for the day and go look for an apartment. I went back to the hotel about 30 minutes after I dropped Chris off. One of the guys from his section pulled into the hotel when I did. I just figured he couldn’t’ get on base. So I went searching for an apartment guide. I was gone an extra 20 minutes or so when I got a text from Chris asking where I was and if I was okay. I was like yeah I’m out looking for a book with apartments. He said ohh okay. Well can you come back to the hotel? I went to surprise you and no one was here....hahah poor handsome!

Overall the weekend was a success. We had a lot of fun on a tiny budget....thank you mr big spender :)
It made me realize that we can make it on VERY little money at all. We somehow made it work with only like $100. How we did that I have  no clue.

We window shopped a lot! We found a tv that we both love and made a deal of when we’re buying it. We found an apartment. Started talking about what we wanted in it and started talking details. I don’t know if it will really happen or not...probably not but we can definitely dream right? We have almost everything we would need to get started and survive. Which is great! I never thought we could start our lives and have almost everything. We’re taking donations for a microwave :)

If you asked  me a year ago where I would be today, I would have said married to Christopher, in Kings Bay, GA, and having a blast with him when he was off. I never saw myself in Greenville, going to school, and hating every minute of it. My life has definitely changed and taken a turn but I wouldn’t regret our decisions, and life for a minute. I love him and everything that has come out of this relationship.

The recall  Saturday was for a brief with Chris’s section. One of his friends was tragically killed in a fatal car accident. One of the guys in the car passed away and the other didn’t.  They lost control after going over a train track. I am praying for not only the Marine’s family that passed away but also the Marine who survived. That has to be hard. Definitely a wake up call to take advantage of the time you do have. Nothing is promised.

RIP PFC Tipton...

Tell me to try a deployment...

Here is my little vent, and I apologize if I offend anyone but this needs to come out. I hate what I have been hearing from people lately. The “be thankful he is not deployed” thing. Here’s the thing, Christopher’s job is NOTHING like any of the jobs in the Marine Corps. His job does not deploy but it does take him away for a month with random time off, usually a night off a week. He is not allowed to have his cell phone or laptop or anything. So he calls me when he can from the community phone, and he gets on the community computer to Facebook chat me when he can. What Chris was promised before he got there, is nothing like what it really is. Of course, this is the Marine Corps.

This is his job description “The MCSF guard will be assigned to duty with MCSF units. He will be physically fit and mentally capable of enduring the rigors of combat. He will have the requisite knowledge to safely and properly employ the service rifle, pistol and shotgun. As a member of a reaction force, he will conduct offensive infantry tactics in confined spaces, ashore and afloat, to restore breached security and provide the final barrier/element of an integrated security plan for the asset being protected. He also must possess skills in land navigation and patrolling. In the grades of corporal through gunnery sergeant, as a security supervisor, the Marine will plan, evaluate, and supervise the implementation of site-specific security plans to protect assets designated as vital to the national security. “

Basically he stands guard, and protects weapons. He stands post for about 6 hours then usually gets 6 hours off, not always. They are so short on people that he doesn’t always get those 6 hours off. Chris’s section is the shortest section in his whole company. That means they work more than any other section. They don’t sleep much at all, if any, and they don’t get time off. So when they get a weekend off they all go crazy. Usually those are the times I get to go see him. That is usually once every 5 or 6 weeks. However this tour will be 7 weeks since they have to do double since they’re short on guys.

And when I say off I mean they are still down at work but not on post. They work 24 hours a day when they are down at work. So they are working a good 160 hours at a time. What does yours do? 12-15 hours maybe? Not trying to be a bitch but you have no clue what that is like. Yeah a deployment they will be gone for 7+ months. I did over 5 months with getting to talk to him a few minutes every 2 or 3 weeks. The only reason I got to see him when I did was because it was a last minute random weekend.

No one understands this because it is rare. It is hard to get this MOS. The people that do understand it have been through it, or have family members that have. So for the people who tell me at least its not deployment, you have no clue. Yes he is states side and sort of “safe”, but no I don’t see him or talk to him much at all. It is not as great as it sounds. Having him so close but can’t go down to see him because he is working.

So yes I am allowed to complain about my 6 weeks. Because during my 6 weeks, I will be lucky to talk to him once a day for a few minutes. I hate people telling me that it is JUST 6 weeks. Yes deployment is hard. I have not been there but I can only imagine how hard it must be. But I will tell you one thing. This 2 year contract in Kings Bay, will make a deployment will be a breeze. This is making me stronger every single day. It tests every last part of my nerve, has tested our love and made it stronger, tests my faith that this will all be worth it in the long run. I know that no matter what people think that this is hard, and this is not fun, but this is MORE than worth it. I may hate every second that he is in the wire, because everything goes wrong when he is at work, but I know that this is making us more thankful and cherish the little time we do have together. We don’t take advantage of our random weekends, or our random phone calls, and breaks out of the wire.

Every one has it hard, no one is better than anyone. This is a hard relationship. Whether he is active and deployed, or states side. Or reserves and working all the time. It is hard.

Wait, say that again?

Last night Chris got out early and surprised me. It was great and totally unsuspected since he had just went down to work. He was soo excited for my trip down in about 2 weeks. Was talking about how he couldn't wait to see me in my dress and all. Left me on cloud 9!

I got my dress today. It's gorgeous! And perfect! I got so excited I posted the picture to Chris's facebook, and told him how excited I was. I thought this guy was just kidding. He said "I'm sorry darling but i would not get shoes or the dress hemmed but Christopher will be at work, we have the list and he is not on it... there is always next year ;-)" So I said how it really wasn't funny that I was excited to come down. He told me how he wasn't kidding and didn't want to be the bearer of bad news and Chris would call when he got off. My friend had commented saying I hope you are kidding her her sake. He said "see now i feel bad, i was just trying to let her no before she did anything else to the dress but think about the romance of wearing it next year right"

So freaking out I call down at work to talk to Chris. I start telling him what was said and he interrupted me and said yeah I know what you're talking about and we're not going. They apparently need people down at work and Chris got stuck working.

Needless to say I am not happy. I have been crying for an hour. This isn't fair at all. Chris will be on his training cycle and has to work now. We had the entire weekend planned. I really needed this weekend with him. I don't know when I will have another weekend with him before New Years. I don't know what to do. It's not fair, and I am so butt hurt.

Zebra shoes? Seriously Elyssa Renee??

So since my last post I have been so super crazy it isn't even funny! I decided Friday that I was going to wear zebra, yes you heard that right, zebra shoes to the ball! After calling Christopher that afternoon and telling him my idea he asked if I was serious?? I said of course I am! He said yeah I'm going to go with no on this one. I said really? uh oh :) He said do you already havethem? I said maybe (I really didn't but I wanted them soo bad!) So he said okay Ill think about it. He called me super early saturday morning, when I say super I mean 3 am! But he called to tell me that he was liking the zebra idea (I mean hey it's better to be somewhere that can be concealed than a clutch or jewelry right??) So I finally find a pair that I love! They don't have my size! So I found a pair that was my size and a good price! It says it will take 2-4 weeks to get here. So as of now I don't have shoes for the ball! Talk about going crazy!

So here is the dress! Obviously :) Here are the shoes! Too bad they don't come in my size anymore :(

Needless to say it has been quite a weekend! This was only one of my worries! If just the shoes were my problem I would be in heaven! But it's not.

Unfortunately I have had killer, and I mean killer, migraines all week. And of course stubborn me doesn't go to the dr for them but I have been taking my medicine. Which I guess is good. But I am still hurting. I know that it is time to call the doctor for preventative medicine but thats yet another pill I have to take everyday. And me being honest...I forget to take them on time. I'm lucky if I even remember that day! Horrible in the means of birth control. But I know that soon I need to call the doctor because I literally can't do these multiple naps during the day and going to bed early and not being able to study because my head kills. Just need that push I guess to go call her. So someone push me :)

Chris was having a rough weekend. There was no way for me to help him. Talk about miserable. He finally talked to me yesterday morning. It didn't go that well. So me being the worry wort that I am, wrote him a 5 1/2 page letter. Every time I write him a letter they are long....he calls them my novels. When he called he could tell there was something wrong. Not going into details but yesterday morning killed me! He asked me what was wrong because I had started to cry. I said do you not remember anything that happened this weekend and this morning. So I told him about the letter. Gave him 3 choices: I can read it now, email/fb it, or send it in the mail. He chose to read it now. So after countless tears and pauses so I could get it together, he understood and told me what was really going on. It didn't really have anything to do with me. Of course what he had said was true but wasn't why he was so mad.

But this got me thinking.....when Chris gets really stressed he usually takes it out on me. Which is fine because I do the exact same thing. But I feel like he gets stressed more often and more extreme. Which I feel bad for because I know that when I push him it sets him off. So when we started talking about what was wrong with him he said I don't really want to talk about it. All I said was you know I am here whenever you need me and I will always listen. So he spilled. I feel so bad for him because there is no real way for me to help him, especialy with me here. So I will have to wait for 2 weeks to be able to talk to him about it.

I won't put all of his business on my blog since it was super personal and if he didn't want to talk to me about it right away. But I just want him to know, in case he reads this, that I really am here for you. 24/7 no matter what time, or day of the week I am here. I share everything with him and him opening up last night was great. I miss him so much and hate that he goes thru this alone.

I leave in 15 days to see him for like 5 days! I am so excited! When we were talking last night he asked me to schedule a night photoshoot. Now let me give some background about Christopher and pictures. Chris and I have been together for about 2 years now. I have wanted pictures since before he went to boot camp, so about a year and a half ago. I am just now getting those pictures! 3 times in 2 days! We have one Friday for the ball, one saturday afternoon, and another saturday night. He has this obsession with sunset...I have no clue lol. ButI will say he is getting very excited! Now instead of 2 outfits to choose I have 4! I just decided on my 2 outfits lol. He apparently got a amazing jacket that matches mine so he said we needed an extra shoot since I had his outfits picked out already :) But guess that means he is taking me shopping that thursday to get an outfit :) He knows how to throw curveballs at me and make life interesting.

Ahh I can't wait! 15 days can't come soon enough!

Where Did The Romance Go?

Today I was determined to have a great day! Hadn't heard from Chris in a couple of days but wasn't letting that stop me. I had over 300 comments on 2 statuses today. I learned something today: when your man is being an ass or you can't talk to him GO TO YOUR GIRLS! They really saved me today! They had me laughing the entire time! I love it! Great times!

But they made me realize something...back when Chris and I first started dating he used to be so romantic and cute! Used to take me to dinner all the time, have movie nights, bring me random things that he knew I was craving and this may sound bad but catered to my every need. Now I'm not saying I want him to cater to me 24/7 or do all of that because right now I know that is impossible. When Chris was training he fell asleep on me one night when I was having a really bad night. The next day he felt so bad I had 2 dozen roses waiting for me within 24 hours. I attached a picture. Now all I get is a "I'm sorry" the next day. For valentines day, not only did he take me out on a date night but he also got Gianna baby roses and me a dozen roses to match Gia's. He used to be soo romantic! Now all I get is....nothing. For my birthday he was working so I got a phone call 10 minutes after my birthday for 2 minutes. I love him and I am very thankful for everything he does for me. Don't get me wrong here! But I miss those little things! Even miss boot camp letters, and emails. He used to send the most adorable messages telling me why he loved me. Now when I try to be cute and start it it gets blown off. Idk what to do anymore!

I think we hit that speed bump where all the cute, romantic things ran their course. We've only been dating for 2 years. We should still be doing the romantic things....

Where is the love Christopher Joseph?? I know your Daddy taught you better than this! I've seen what he does for your Mom! :(