I'm only human! and not a whore!

It's been a pretty long week. Classes started back up this week, and life went back to normal. Well as normal as my life can possibly be right now. Other than the fact that my cars engine light was on. So I had to come home on Friday. Friday night the engine light went off. The dealership was closed when we went so it went to the shop this morning and I get to go back home in a few weeks to get the part replaced. Way for 4 hour drives each way!

Yesterday I went and got a whole new phone line and plan and number! I reserved an iPhone and will have it in a few weeks. I tried being nice to Chris and asking him for permission to switch the plan from his to my own or moms. He never responded to my messages, or when we called him yesterday. So I started over. Sounds good right? Well what no one but my mom and the wonderful Verizon man knows is that I almost had a complete breakdown in the Verizon store. It was so exciting but very sad, I guess is what I felt. I was closing one huge chapter of my life, but I was also opening a new chapter. I thought that starting a new plan would be the easiest part of this whole new life I have. And it was. But at the same time, it was me officially being over this whole thing. I have moved on, and I am very happy. But at the same time, the phone was the last tie that we had together. I am so excited today to get the iPhone and be completely done with Christopher.

This weekend my parents and I got into a huge argument. Some of the things that were brought up were things that I had no control about. Like everything that happened with Chris and all the lies he told. Every time anything happens with me, Christopher is brought up. So here is my request from everyone. I would really appreciate it if people didn't keep asking about him, bringing him up, or trying to find out what's going on in his life. I don't know how he is, what's going on with him, what he was thinking when this happened, or where he is anymore. I also don't really care anymore. I no longer want him to be a thought in my life. So it would mean a lot if everyone dropped the subject. If I want to vent or talk about it then let me do so, but don't tell me what is going on with him or anything. I just need this so I don't think about the what ifs anymore, or worry about him and let what could be going on with him affect me. I can't handle what happened always being thrown in my face. Like I meant for any of this to happen. It happens more often than you think and I hate it. It always breaks me down. I did not mean for any of this to happen. Not saying that I regret any of it happening anymore, but I did not choose this.

So let me fix a few of these rumors going around currently. Chris and I are not getting back together, nor are we on speaking terms right now. We are no longer friends anymore. He does not want to contact me, and I do not want to contact him. Yes I have moved on. Yes he has moved on. I cannot speak for him, but I can speak for myself when I say that I am extremely happy right now. I don't know what is going on in his life. I can't pretend that I know. I hear rumors but I won't discuss those because I have not spoken to him about it. Also I am NOT a whore. I AM NOT SLEEPING with ANYONE right now and do not appreciate these accusations. What is going on right now might not be something you agree with or think is right, but I am happy and it feels right. So I would really really appreciate it if I was not called a whore or slut anymore. If you know anything about me you know I am not a whore. So let's just nip that rumor in the bud right now.

I will always care for Christopher, and love him in some way. He was a big part of my life, but it is finally time to completely put him behind and in my past. I am ready for the day that I don't subconsciously worry about him. Especially with the rumors I have heard lately, I do worry about him. But I can't let myself think into that worry. So for now it's just rumors. And Christopher if you read this for some crazy chance I hope you're okay and it really is just rumors.

So my new life is going great! I'm determined to make all A's and B's this semester! I'm not going to spill my guts on the new guy yet. A few of you know about him but for those that do, let's keep it on the down low for a while longer. I don't want to jinx anything. And some people are unsupportive and try to start immature rumors. But just fyi to those people we know the truth. We know what has and has not happened, what has been said and what hasn't. Oh and I hear every rumor and can pretty much tell you exactly who started them. Just sayin' we're not playing these immature games.

It may have taken 2 months but I am so proud to say that I am so much stronger now than I ever was. I am finally happy again, and I'm not letting anyone change that. I haven't had a weak moment in a long time (other than at Verizon...but we'll just pretend like that never happened), and I don't plan on having one for a very long time. Everyone is stronger than they think they are. Everyone has weak moments, and break downs. I am human so I can only expect those moments. But I can promise that they are and will continue to be fewer and farther apart.